The Caine Mutiny, or Who Moved My Strawberries?

All avid readers are also second-hand bookstore junkies. It’s the best way to support the habit of continually tearing through books. I regularly visit a few, stock up on months’ worth of reading material and gradually slog my way through each one. Up this month? My 50 cent copy of The Caine Mutiny.

Although I have seen the film version of Caine many times, this is my first reading of the novel. And it’s better. For one thing, you can imagine Keefer as a royal jackass when you’re not seeing Fred MacMurray of My Three Sons. Even though MacMurray appears in the film in full naval uniform, it’s hard to get past the benign, suburban cardigan image, which totally ruins the effect. And Captain Queeg is no Bogart wearing tuxes, running Rick’s Café and undermining Nazis. He’s a simpering, paranoid hot mess.

I won’t belabor the plot, because so many people know it. Queeg is the new commander of a minesweeper, and he’s incompetent. He doesn’t know how to sail, he’s afraid of combat and he sweats small stuff like the status of the crew’s shirt tails while not noticing major issues like the cutting of a tow line. And he really loses it over strawberries, launching a major investigation into a missing quart of them during a combat mission.

The aforementioned Keefer notices Queeg’s shortcomings first, and devotes nearly all his energy into poisoning the crew into disloyalty and rebellion. Which makes Queeg more paranoid and more incompetent. But when push comes to shove and the crew decides it’s time to give Queeg the heave ho, Keefer gets weak at the knees. He wants the captain gone, but he doesn’t want to assume the risk associated with taking a stand and undermining a commanding officer – that’s going to have to be the job of the ship’s second in command, Maryk.

The interesting aspects about Caine are its subtleties. Is Queeg that bad of a commander, or are the men making him weak through repeated acts of disloyalty? Could Queeg have gotten better over time if his officers guided him toward what was really important and helped him succeed? Would the men have rebelled had Keefer not stoked the flames? Is Keefer a victim of Queeg’s incompetence or a villain who sabotages him for sport?

It’s not cut and dry because all those questions could be answered in multiple ways. Queeg has a lot of problems and he’s a bit of a jerk, but with a little bit of effort from a few of the officers, his pain in the ass factor could have been minimized. Or maybe not…no one tries to help Queeg, so we’ll never know whether he was salvageable.

Guilty Pleasures: The Twilight Series

Yes, I read all four of the Twilight books. And, no, I’m not sorry - I actually liked the series. Not to the point of being obsessed like the Twilight dad on the recent episode of Parks and Recreation who handcuffs himself in Leslie’s office to get the books placed in the Pawnee time capsule, but certainly to the point of being entertained.

There’s been a lot of flack about the Twilight books, not all of it undeserved. The main character, Bella, is total milquetoast. Have you ever met a teenager that never drinks, parties or does anything more interesting than (occasionally) go to a movie (all of which were completely age appropriate…no R ratings here!)? Even if you live in the most remote spot in America, no one is that boring – except maybe the Mormons who had a heavy hand in the morality behind the book.

True she’s got the inherent drama of dating a vampire and being best friends with a werewolf, but still. A teenage girl would have girl friends that help her smuggle makeup and tarty clothes into school so she can change into skankwear without her parents knowing. She would have a sleepover every now and again where the ladies sneak out at 10 pm to meet up with boys with cars, booze and cigarettes. Something! If you never push the limits of parental authority, how can you even really be a teenager?

And some of the books were better than others. Twilight, the original, really did get you hooked, and had a taut plot line. Boy meets girl, boy is strange and mysterious, girl is intrigued, boy turns out to be vampire. Cool! Plus, there was the thriller element, with a stray vampire coming to town, taking a shine to Bella as a meal and stalking her. Good stuff. And that vampire employed some pretty good tricks that were suspenseful and fun to read.

New Moon, however, blew taco chunks. The overwhelming majority of the book features Bella brooding and flirting with teen angst suicide because her vampire broke up with her. Bad message – you don’t flirt with death because your boyfriend is gone, and it’s not OK to romanticize depression, Stephanie Meyer. I don’t care if he is her “spirit husband,” or whatever the Mormons call it.

And the last book was just downright creepy. The werewolf “imprints,” aka finds his marriage partner and spiritual soul mate, on Bell’s baby. Yes, a baby. Stephanie Meyer wants us to believe it is true love. I’d call it a lengthy prison sentence. Eeew. And the overall series ending was incredibly weak. The Volturi are supposed to be hell bent on destroying the vampire clan, resorting to any cheap trick possible to justify murder. But in the end, we’re supposed to believe that vampire case before the Volturi was strong enough to convince the corrupt leaders that they were wrong? What?

But still, the books are worth reading. They only take a nanosecond to plow through, so it’s not a hefty time investment. Each book does have its moments, and it’s worth it to have a working Twilight knowledge, if for no other reason than to be in on the joke the next time there’s a reference on 30 Rock.